I'm 33 weeks today, which I'm SO thrilled about...But this is getting really hard. I'm just having a night, I think. Emotionally, physically, everything....this is just exhausting. Every little kick, movement, cramp, pain (and there are a lot of all of these things all day), I think is a contraction, or I wonder if it's something I need to go in for, or I wonder if it's progressing my labor, etc. I think about it all day long every day and overanalyze every little feeling I get. I lay on the couch all day long and try not to think about everything that is going to happen b/c I know we'll just handle it all once it happens, but it's scary to not really know the chaos that is coming. And while I know the babies would be okay eventually if they came I just REALLY want to keep going...I want this pregnancy to last until the last possible moment to give my babies the best chance for a strong start at life. So I feel this pressure to keep going, but I know nothing is in my control, which is a hard realization. I thought I'd be better at giving up control at this point, but I'm not. I'm just praying now for God to give me His peace that passes understanding. To give me His comfort that He is in control. It's all getting to me....Tyler is at Evan's parents right now, and I'm SO sick of him being away from me. I miss him like crazy, and I miss being a mom to him more than I ever thought I would. I feel like it's not fair to him for us to keep shipping him off from place to place when all he wants is to be home with his mom and dad. I know he won't remember this, and I know he has fun at Evan's parents or mine or at his babysitter, but he just acts like he wants to be home lately, and that's where I want him, too.
So it's this weird feeling of wanting this hard pregnancy to be over, but really not wanting it to be over for a couple of weeks yet, too.... What a rollercoaster! Please pray for our peace, for us to be calm through these last few days/weeks, and for God to just take over my emotions right now.
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So happy those babies are still baking! We missed you at MOPS this morning. Rachel Lamfers spoke and it was amazing, I had tears in my eyes the entire time. Her message will stay with me for a very long time and I just wanted to share a little of it. She really encouraged us to think of ALL the Blessings, even during the worst of times or days. I know you are so uncomfortable, but just think of how each hour and day are helping your babies sooo much! And with Tyler being away so much, I can't imagine how hard that is Heather. I would miss my boys like crazy too, but the Blessing is that he is being cared for and loved by family, which is allowing you time to rest. I'm sure you know all of these things, but I just really wanted to encourage you to keep going! You are amazing & those little boys will grow up knowing that!
ReplyDeleteHi Heather...Like I told you, reading your blog is my favorite Friday night activity :) I can't believe that in just a few short weeks, I'll get to read about babies!!!
ReplyDeletePraying PRaying PRAYing for you, evan, tyler, baby A, baby B, and baby C.
Lots of Love!